28
Apr
2010
Things Your Burglar Won’t Tell You, (but I will)
1. Of course I look familar. I was here last week doing a service for you in your home or delivering something. And, while I was in the house I might carefully unlock a window.
2. I’ll knock first to see if there is anyone home. I’ll be looking for someone who doesn’t live there if you answer. I am very polite. I’ll try all the doors to see if you left one unlocked before I try a window. It is so much easier to get in that way. Lots of people work on Oahu and are gone during the day so I have a lot of potential targets.
3. I try to never look like a thief. I dress nicely and am very pleasant if anyone talks to me. You will describe me as “such a nice boy or girl”.
4. You can count on me to pretty much trash the house because I just know you have valuables hidden somewhere. It doesn’t matter if you or your house looks like you have money. You will have something I want.
5. Your dog will make some noise but will shut up when I give him a bag of treats and then will think I am the greatest. We’ll be friends the next time I come around.
6. Sometimes I like to make an entry at a very unexpected place, maybe the second story just to show you how smart I am and how you can’t keep me out.
7. Sometimes I work with several guys, one at one end of the street and on at the other so if the police show up or you pull in your driveway they can call me on my cell phone and I will get out fast.
8. I do this pretty much every day. I like to think of it as “my job” and I have the whole of Honolulu and Oahu to work on. I figure you will just buy new things for yourself.
9. I don’t like burglar alarm systems. When the siren goes off I pretty much expect the police to be coming so I have to get out of the neighborhood as fast as I can which is humbug for me.
10. I particularly like to work my own neighborhood. I can watch to see exactly when you leave your house. You only have to be gone a few minutes for me to get in and get out.
11. These days I also look for anything I can sell to identity theft fences. They pay a lot for a birth certificate, social security card or just the social security number and, of course, if I find a credit card I will use it until you cancel it. That’s why I go through your file cabinet. I will take everything and sift through it later to see if I can find something useful to identity thieves.
Well, now you know me. Even I think that if you are smart you will get a burglar alarm system as fast as you can. Otherwise you can plan to “entertain” me as your guest as soon as I get around to you.
Guru